New Beginnings

This was written with love (and lots of tears) for our friends and family. We miss you all so very much.

New Beginnings

We slam the door to the giant moving truck, stuffed full of our worldly belongings. Even though I know it’s completely empty, I head back into the house to “check one last time.” I step inside the house we’ve lived in for the past six years, and it looks barren and foreign with all of our things gone. It seems we’ve been preparing for this day forever.

In June of 2000, I had graduated from college, gotten married, and bought my first home- all in a three week period. I even have a picture of David and me in our wedding garb next to the “sold” sign in the front yard. (Mike and Michelle, remember taking that picture!?) We were so excited about starting our new “adult” lives, so hopeful for the future.

Three years later, we were overjoyed to find out that we were expecting our first baby. We jumped into preparing for our new little bundle with gusto. The canopied bed in the guestroom came down, and a crib went up in its place. The closet was filled with tiny little outfits, the medicine cabinet stocked with diaper cream and Tylenol. Then the wait began.

Every night David and I would leash up the dogs and go for a very long walk around the neighborhood. We always had great conversations on those walks, and 99% of those talks were about the baby.

A week after my due date, we excitedly headed to my doctor’s office to be induced. We were finally going to have our baby! That was the day that changed all of our lives forever. I remember the doctor checking for the baby’s heartbeat, and not being able to find it. Our Lexi was gone.

Our beautiful girl, Alexandra Helene, was buried with the other little angels in the cemetery only a few blocks away from where she lived her short life. You were all there for David and me- it was all of you who held us up on that day, and we thank you so much for all the love and support you’ve given to us.

A week later, David suggested we go for a walk. We had been holed up in the house for days, and the dogs didn’t understand why we had suddenly stopped our nightly walks. As soon as I brought out their leashes, all three little hotdogs started dancing a happy circle around me. I think Shadow even did a little boogie. It was the first time in a week that I had smiled.

I think it was on that walk that the little glimmer of hope for the future sparked in me. I think it was Lexi telling me (insert her baby-tude voice here) “You’d better give me a little brother or sister! Wait- make that a brother, cuz I want to be Daddy’s only princess for a little while longer!”

Princess Lexi got exactly what she wanted. A few months later on December 30, I received the best birthday present ever- we were pregnant! As you all now know, there was a little Danny growing in my belly. As you also all know, we were so worried about that little guy.

Our prayers were answered on August 21, 2005, when Daniel Alexander was born healthy and strong. It was the happiest day of my life. Oh, did we celebrate that day! Remember how you all crowded into that tiny hospital room to meet him? I still remember the beautiful summer day we left the hospital and introduced Danny to his new home.

David was in his fourth year of graduate school at Cornell. He only had one more year to go until he received his PhD, and I knew we would most likely be relocating for his new job, but a year seemed so far into the future at that time.

At David’s graduation ceremony, I held our little boy up high and we both cheered as he received his diploma. I also know that there was a little angel riding on his shoulder as he crossed the stage, so proud of her “Dr. Daddy.”

And then it struck me that we’re leaving- this home, this neighborhood, this city.

How do you say goodbye to the home we’ve made so many memories in, the city we grew up in? How do you say goodbye to the best friends and parents who wept with us as they held the body of our little angel, and shared our joy as they kissed the sweet cheek of our healthy baby boy?

I’m always going to remember Christmas at Grandma and Papa’s house (A Christmas Story, again?), Fall apple picking (remember the picture where we put the apple next to Danny’s head, and it was the same size?), and showing Danny how to sniff the roses at the Maplewood rose garden (“sniffing” to Dan meant grabbing a rose and stuffing it in his mouth).

New York will always be home to us, even though it seems we’re moving so far away. It’s going to be weird not having to battle snow and ice in the winter! And you’ve all seen how there is TON of room in our new house for everyone to visit (especially with those new babies that I’ll be dying to see, Ramirezes, McCaddens and Kasprzyks!)

I also know that I’m not saying goodbye to Alexandra, because everywhere we go, she’s inside our hearts with us. I think she’s going to like our new home- no snow, and close to Disney World!

They say when a door closes, a window opens. As I close the door of our home for the final time, I feel a little glimmer of excitement. I’m ready to start our new adventure, and know a little guardian angel will be watching over us- no matter where we are.

Sending you lots of butterfly kisses.

Love Angel, David and Danny